How do you say "I want to stab your eyes out with my sharp pointy pencil" in German?

So I had my first two days of class yesterday and today, or rather Thursday and Friday since it’s already past 12. I already feel overwhelmed! Actually I felt overwhelmed the first day. It began with my Greek course, which was, appropriately and ironically held in a room called the Mouseion. The daunting part began when our professor handed us the Theogony and proceeded to tell us that he intended for us to finish the thousand so odd lines in approximately 3 weeks. Which meant that he wanted us to finish a little over 300 lines a week, divide that by 2 classes and it’s a little over 150 lines a class. *cue heart attack*
My other complaint though isn’t the coursework. I have Latin, which isn’t nearly as daunting as Greek, but that’s because Latin is much easier than Greek. I also have German and the-dumbest-possible math course that I could find. How dumb is it? Well, the professor started the class by introducing us to negative numbers, then moving onto adding, subtracting, multiplying and dividing fractions. And when she began talking about “equations with one variable”, there was a mad flurry of hands scrambling for their pens and paper in order to write down the intricate process of figuring out x + 2 = 8…
I have to admit, my math skills aren’t that great. I did take Pre-calc in high school, but I’m not saying I did well. But for a professor to write out an equation like that on the chalk board, and then have a student actually ask a question about it, completely boggles my mind.
But back to my previous complaining. The thing that bothers me the most are the people who I have to take the course with. Greek, which, by comparison isn’t too bad. There is one person who drives me absolutely crazy. I don’t doubt that he’s a nice person, but he has this pompous, psuedo-worldly attitude that seems to stem from the fact that he’s older than all the students combined (seriously, this guy is approaching forty if not over) that makes me want to snap at him and tell him that he’s no more smarter than the dumbest person in the class, which incidentally is me. But that’s not the point, the point is that he feels as if he is smarter than whom ever he is talking to and that would sometimes include the professor. Hey jerkface, there’s a reason why he’s the professor and you’re the person taking the course! AND, I got extremely annoyed when he proceeded to attempt to lecture me on material that’s covered in first year. Wow, that’s great! You’re passing on this tremendous wisdom that’s covered in the first year of this program? That’s great. Thanks for the great advice. Now go back to your hole. 
What’s worse is that he’s in both of my courses, Greek and Latin. And and in Latin, which is immediately after my Greek, there’s another person in that class who I also do not get along. Mainly because he’s super opinionated (as am I) and he always believes he’s right. Bleh. My goal in both these courses is just to concentrate on the material. I know that it’s going to be super hard and considering I have another language course that will be just as demanding, I will need to do my best.
Now, all this bitching and complaining was just leading up to the cherry on the proverbial – wait  is it cake? Whatever. German class was surprisingly a course that I enjoyed. And I’m glad to be back. The only thing that makes me cringe and – as the title says- want to stab someone’s eyes out with a sharp object is this one person who has to be the most annoying person on the planet. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who has been collectively hated by each and every single person that he’s met. I don’t doubt that each and every single person in our tiny beginner German course hated and despised every single second that he opened his mouth to talk. He has this ridiculously obtrusive laugh that I’m pretty sure he projects in order to make sure that people look at him when he laughs. Which he does, in the fakest way possible, in the most disruptive way possible, at the most inopportune times, for example when the professor is explaining what will be on the exam. He has the most contradicting “personality” I’ve ever encountered, it’s hugely obvious that he has a tremendous self-esteem problem, which he pathetically and ironically covers up by talking every single chance that he gets, to the point where it seems as if he opens his mouth to talk simply so that he can hear the sound of his own voice. His issues generally revolve around, his pretentious “extensive knowledge” of food due to the fact that he’s a “chef” (most likely he’s a short order cook at the local Sailsbury), random tidbits of knowledge that he (mistaken) believes others don’t know (he’s never surprised me with anything I didn’t know) and the third, the one that first caught my attention and made me want to stab him repeatedly, his constant, unceasing complaining. About. Every. Single. Thing. He complains relentlessly, perpetually, unremittingly, unabatingly about how the German language doesn’t make sense. If it doesn’t make sense then why are you taking the course dumbass? We all realize it’s complicated. German is a language that has been slowly developed (developing) for over hundreds, inching on thousand, years, do you think if you complain enough that they’ll change it for you? Do you think you’re that fucking special? Ok, because you’re not! So STFU. 

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